There’s something missing …

Feminax Capsules …

They used to work like a dream but they don’t anymore!

That was weird ... (revised)

Well the first viewing has happened - they didn't want it, too small upstairs apparently ... But hey, its feedback. It was however a really weird and upsetting experience; for TEH too I think. Sitting waiting to show a bunch of strangers around your home is weird enough, but once they'd been and gone it really brought home the fact that everything has changed and is soon to change even more. That's not to say that the change isn't going to be good and isn't right, its what I crave after all, but Saturday's experience just reasserted the fact to us both together at the same time in the same room, and that was weird. Suffice it to say that about 6 months worth of bottled up tears (I'm good at bottling up!) were shed that evening to the accompaniment of gin and tonic … [NB This is where the revised version ends - there was an original which was withrawn owing to oversharing and inappropriate material for posting here - it was however extremely cathartic to compose].

Anyway, the next day dawned somewhat gloomily, though it was a blessed relief to the stifling temperatures and humidity we've had of late. I ignored the forecast of morning rain and focused on the clear skies that were promised later. So Iheaded off with rucksack and waterproofs to Eynsford for what proved to be a lovely walk through corn fields (complete with my favourite poppies and cornflowers), a magnificent Victorian viaduct, pleasantly cool woods and pretty sections of river. It was wet to begin with, but still warm and there was loads of wildlife in evidence (the absence of lots of other noisy walkers because of the Wimbledon tennis final and the world cup final probably had something to do with that!) plus 2 enormous and surprising fields of lavender, not really the colour I was expecting in the Kent countryside.

I did my 8 miles and there were plenty of inclines to keep us on our toes along with herd of cows right between where we were and where we needed to be. Cows, calves and a bull to be precise, a potentially unpredictable combination. They kept a beedy eye on the calves, but all passed without the need to pick up pace and vault the stile (or indeed demolish and rebuild a drysone wall which is another story, dating back to my D of E in the Peak district many moons ago).

So all in all a mixed weekend really which definitely ended better that it began.

Is there anybody there?

I know – it’s been such a long time … there’s probably no-one out there reading this any more! It’s been a funny old month. I’ve been kind of busy

• Complaining to the council about their non-refuse-collection service. Oh yes, it has gone on and on … I’ve now got a lovely glossy complaints pack to fill in when I’ve got a spare moment.


• Arguing a parking fine – sigh. This was as a result of parking too close to a line in a bay which I pay an annual fee to park in on the Saturday of the first England game in the world cup. There were only 3 cars parked in the street and there are quotas to be met … I’m awaiting photographic evidence, though research has shown that the PCN isn’t legal anyway – there are supposed to be 2 reference numbers on them and there is only one, so we’ll see what happens.


• Working and


• Walking.

In the absence of funds and in the face of many bills everything has had to be cheap so gigs, pubs and cinema have been out …

I’ve been on lots more walks - I enjoyed the last one in particular, lots of scrambling up and down in a wood (which was the perfect place to be when out in the open it was 32 degrees!) and what is more I now have my boots! Sadara take note, I’ve been wearing them in around the flat and last Sunday was the first day I got them dirty! They were pretty comfortable, didn’t rub much, but I still have a bit of adjustment to play with in terms of adding another insole and doing creative lacing – I had a little lesson in tying my laces in the shop when I was buying them would you believe. But anyway, I’m very pleased with them so far.

I'm finding some excellent walking partners and so hopefully I’ll have enough who are up for 10 mile hikes every weekend to see me through.

But the rest of the time I’ve kind of been feeling strangely static. I think it’s all to do with not having managed to get any interest in the house; and until the house is sold, or at least shows signs of being sold, I’m not really able to make any plans, so I kind of feel as I said ‘static’, even trapped?

I’ve been working away as ever (I just had my 1 year anniversary) and, dare I say it, have been feeling somewhat positive about the job in recent weeks. I now know what works and I’m really pleased with that. I’m at last feeling that actually I’m good at what I do. There I said it … It doesn’t come naturally to me! I know how it needs to be done, I’ve got processes in place and I’m confident about dealing with customers because of that; no more feeling around trying to work out the best way of implementing stuff while trying to mop up previous failed implementations at the same time (i.e. ones that were a mess when I arrived in the job!). I know what works and its worked several times now which is gratifying. I’ve also stopped being intimidated by the Prince2 local government / enterprise customer ‘project managers’.

I think I’m a decent project manager, which as far as I’m concerned involves simply being organised, having good communication skills and being able to break stuff down i.e. seeing where to start, what will consitute the end and what stages are required to get there. I like to call it the common sense approach and it seems terribly logical to me. Lets face it I have a work breakdown structure in place for getting up and going to work in the morning: risks identified, critical path analysed and everything – no point eating my breakfast or putting my lippy on before I’ve brushed my teeth example – there is an order to everything. I’ve never done any formal training, and I’m certainly not Prince2 certified (certifiable maybe …) but that doesn’t bother me any more really. I know I can’t ‘talk the talk’, but I know I can ‘walk the walk’ and that is what gets things done at the end of the day.

So I’m getting lots done, but I still feel like I’m not moving forward. Because of the house ...

I’ve been thinking about my Peru trip and all the plans I had / have for after that, but without the sale of the house I can’t afford to do any of the post Peru stuff and won’t be able to do it because I’ll still be here in a job which doesn’t allow me to have a mid life crisis sabbatical for 3 months! Also, what is additionally irritating is that I’ve got precious little annual leave in this job (how I miss the annual leave at the RFH – for goodness sake, I had so much there I never managed to take it all!), and I’ve been trying to work out how much I’ve got so I can take some holiday this summer – I haven’t had a break since Easter and that was only 4 days out of the office (ie. including the bank holiday weekend!). I’d just like to get out of London for a bit, do some proper walking and camping maybe. If I’m going to jack it all and in head off on travels after Peru, then I won’t need to take the 12 days leave for Peru out of my annual leave allocation which means I’ve got 13 days to play with between now and the end of November. However, if I’m not jacking it all in (which I can’t unless I sell the house) then that only leaves me 8 days leave up until April next year – not much to play with at all really …

The other thing is that if I don’t sell the house, it means I need to stay living where I am, which in turn means I’m going to have to get a flippin’ loan out to pay for the Peru trip. That was going to be funded by the money that my gran left me when she died last year, however, that had to be pressed into temporary service as the deposit on the flat I’m living in … If I’m still in the flat that means no deposit coming my way!

Result. I’m stuck, stationary, static … As you know, I like to be organised and I feel like I should be (want to be) doing a lot of research, making plans, working out costs, checking in with people I would like to be visiting etc now in order to be prepared to head off in December. But I’ve decided that I shouldn’t let myself even look at what I could do post Peru because I don’t want to be disappointed. And I hate it; that feeling that I’m not moving forward.

Well, maybe things are looking up. TEH and I have ditched the previous rubbish estate agent, who managed not to bring a single person through the door (no-one to see my CNL style re-representation of the back bedroom) and who when we asked why that might be, i.e. what was putting people off, look of the place, the area, the price etc etc said that he would do a ‘bit of research into how much similar properties were going for in the area’ … I ask you! You can imagine my response to that. Anyway, more research was done further valuations sought etc, and we now have a new agent who immediately seemed to have a handle on what sort of buyer he would be targeting and having signed off the description and done the proof of ID thing on Tuesday evening, the house went onto the website on Wednesday morning and we have one viewing tonight and another on Saturday.

Now, don’t worry, I’m not getting my hopes up, but I am very happy that we’re getting someone through the door who can give us some feedback at last! And who knows, they might end up being as smitten with my view as I am … Fingers crossed that I’m moving forward again.